If you’re often seeking out quiet places at work to hide, scream, let off steam, or even cry, only to emerge sometime later acting as if everything is fine, you may be prone to something called “hushed coping.” And it might be holding you back in your career, especially if you’re a woman. 

Hushed coping describes the habit of squashing down feelings of overwhelm and stress, and struggling along in silence. For women, it can come with the additional complication of fighting against the long-standing stereotype that showing too much emotion at work is unprofessional.

One study of 115 women working in the public sector, published in the Journal of Social Equity and Public Administration in January, found that around 55% of respondents agreed their job required them to hide their true feelings. Participants also reported that they often or almost always hid anger (43%), irritation (40%), helplessness (37%), and sadness (34%).

“Women really want to feel seen, want to feel valued, and are feeling a lot of things in the workplace. But they don’t have the environment where they can really say out loud what they want,” Léonie Kennepohl, a female leadership expert and cofounder of the career and media platform Female x Finance, tells Fast Company. 

“The workplace is designed like, shut your mouth and work,” she adds. Staying quiet can feel like the professionally safer option. 

But the behaviors that make someone less likely to be labeled emotional can also make them less likely to be noticed, heard, and ultimately promoted.

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