Sometimes you meet a video game character that is your kindred spirit, separated from you by the unbreakable walls of your TV screen and gigabytes of code. I, like many people today, am playing through the Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time remake, and a lot of the prettied-up N64 game is familiar to me as someone who played the game for months straight in elementary school. But as I entered Castle Town, the jubilant town square, I met a man who has a new role in the remake, and I need him to teach me his ways.

There’s a Dorito-shaped man in Ocarina of Time’s remade Castle Town who has no real name, but is known as the Bearded Guy of Castle Town. He is tall, imposing, and has a regal-as-fuck “face mane” that hangs down his face and onto his giant chest. Obviously, Nintendo knew they were making a new character for Zelda fans to thirst over like they do the Bombchu lady, but he is clearly catering toward a specific demographic of scruffy muscle gays. If I wasn’t already drawn in by his design, I locked in when he told me that his beard acts as a “beacon” that can locate other bearded men throughout all of Hyrule.

At first, I thought he was brand new to the remake because I didn’t remember a character occupying his role, but it turns out, he was there in the background , but wasn’t superpowered, or whatever he’s got going on.

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