Three years of living in the UK has prepared me for a worrying amount of Kettle Street. It’s a cosy British life sim out now on Android. Its furniture shop even leaves your deliveries with a neighbour as a matter of course, which is the most realistic thing I’ve seen in a life sim.

You’ve just moved into a bare flat in a small town called Kettleby. Maureen at number 11 has already put the kettle on. From there it’s about finding work, paying your way and turning the place into a home one wage packet at a time.

Work isn’t a button you press and wait on. You drive the parcel van round town on the sat-nav, take the number 12 double-decker from stop to stop without jolting anyone, which already makes you a better driver than most, and make butties at Café Rosa. 

You pull pints at the Red Lion by letting go at the line and bring out the poppadoms first at the Kettleby Tandoori. Get good at it and you move up from trainee, with better pay, perks and a reference for the letting agent, the rarest thing in British housing.

Your flat starts empty, so you order furniture, repaint, change the floors and put every lamp and pot plant exactly where you want it. You top up the electric at the corner shop and get broadband put in, and I’d bet nobody waits three weeks for an engineer here. Seven neighbours share a street group chat, and they’ll warm to you if you help out or go a bit frosty if you don’t.

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