If you’re in a public-facing role, you are likely to get caught up in some kind of “hot mic” event in which an offhand remark said in private gets aired publicly. (Indeed, this piece was inspired by the recent experience of a former colleague.) These events are embarrassing, and they almost always end with a standard—and unsatisfying—apology in which the speaker regrets the remarks and says that they did not mean them.

There are cases in which a leader really ought to apologize, or even step down, because of private-turned-public comments they make. Racist and sexist remarks undermine a leader’s credibility and can signal that they’re not fit for their role. Leaders who reveal in their private conversations that they do not have the institution’s best interests at heart also have a significant apology ahead of them.

However, in most cases, I believe a leader shouldn’t have to apologize for remarks made in private. Because, it turns out, leaders are human too and deserve privacy, just like the rest of us.

Leaders of large institutions lead stressful lives. They are bombarded by requests and complaints and must deal with many people who want things. They have to face them all with aplomb. Most leaders in these roles are adept at putting on their game face and handling these moments gracefully. Periodically, they may lapse and have a more heated public exchange with someone than they intended. And in private moments, they may complain. When those complaints get recorded, it creates an opportunity for embarrassment.

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